Brawley's Beautiful Mess

Hello my friends and welcome new readers!  I cannot flipping believe it's going to be May, in 4 days!  I really, really hope kids still do May 1st Baskets, if not, let's bring it back!  #Bringthemaybasketback....little bursts of happiness left on your porch.  That'll get a smile from the neighbor who won't let you park in their driveway!  Trust me, you want little nuggets like that, Mr. Rogers would not tell a lie.  I always got along with my neighbors.  Well..maybe I take that back...I used to live at Raintree apartments, when I was about 21, and in hair school, and doing a lot of extracurricular activities.  I also worked at Chili's (yes, Baby Back Rib Chili's) in fact I remember getting cut off on my 21st birthday at Baby Back Rib Chili's; jeez, I was obnoxious sometimes.  But....back to being a bad neighbor!  I've hung out with lots of different groups of people, some constant and some temporary in my life, but back then I was hangin...

Hello Q2 of 2022, it's been about a week or two since I last wrote, and a lot has been going on!  For starters, the Jayhawks brought home another NCAA Championship, I tried Amazon Flex driving for the first time and said goodbye to not 1 but 2 cysts on my face that sprouted about 6 months ago.  Per my dermatologist; nothing to be concerned about, cysts sometimes happen when your body goes through a traumatic experience.  Oh yeah, I went through one of those last year, I am good now but damn, spring of 2021, I might have been mistaken for Nick Nolte's mugshot.  Yikes! Something I have also been doing is listening to podcasts.  I have been trying to find a podcast that talks about addiction and recovery, which there are a ton, but I didn't necessarily want a "preachy" podcast or a super serious podcast.  Nothing wrong with any of these options, I just personally prefer a more comedic delivery.  Different strokes for different folks am I right? ...

Man, waking up and remembering your beloved Jayhawks are now in the Elite 8... AWESOME, but waking up without a hangover...BONUS! :)  Being it's March Madness I knew I wanted to try and catch at least one KU game with my dad, so I jumped on 81 South last night and headed to Wellington.  Not gonna lie, I was a little nervous towards the end, but KU pulled it out, somebody check Bill's Blood Pressure; and how about them Peacocks!  Nobody saw that one coming, well I didn't anyway, but hey, who doesn't love a Cinderella story!?  After the rents went to bed I started thinking about this past week, or months, and how crazy it's been.  I don't mean crazy in a "drama" sense but crazy in the way that life and things happen or fall in and out of place.   A couple weeks ago I ordered some takeout from Great Wall.  The fortune cookie is my second favorite aspect of Chinese food, Eggrolls, of course being the first, because fun fact...I crave condiments, and m...

It's the weekend, the sun is shining, but it's still slightly chilly, Big 12 tournament, gotta show love to my Jayhawks!  Perfect spring day for patio's, day-drinking, and of course, the yearly Pre-St. Patty's day festivities.  I have always been a "seasonal" person.  I love living in Kansas because I love that we get all four seasons, not always in the right order, but we get them; there is also a lot of beauty, calmness and kindness about Kansas, in my opinion.  I think sometimes we get a bad wrap but let's be honest, the people here are kind and helpful (most of the time), cost of living is a nice perk, we literally invented basketball, the best Ribs, IN THE WORLD, come newspaper-wrapped from Guy and Mae's in Williamsburg; the Flint Hills are incredibly amazing in their simplistic and natural beauty, especially when the sun rises or sets.  I love driving through that part of Kansas, oh, and let's not forget about Dorothy, and my favorite.....sun...

I can't imagine Mic Jagger ever NOT getting what he wants but, obviously, at some point in his life, I bet he had to settle for what he needed.  I keep having these flashbacks, I think it may be because 2022 is kind of a bittersweet year for me.  It marks 20 years out of high school, 20 years living outside of my hometown and with "The Brawleys", 20 years as an actual adult and a very short 2 years until my 40th birthday.  And all our parents are right, it goes really, really, fast.  What I thought I wanted when I was 18, headed to El Dorado to attend Bucco Jucco, was to figure out my major, meet new people, and have fun.  I definitely met lots of new people, awesome friends, I met one of my best friends, Ginger, and I always had a rockin' good time!  I went to class, but that was 100 percent not my main focus, in fact, I went to Butler for 2 years and still didn't manage to get my Associates, I mean, I got one in partying, but not in Liberal Arts, still so...

I keep thinking about how I am sitting here right now and I am okay.  I keep thinking of how much my life has changed, yet also, stayed the same, in such a short amount of time.  After I was sentenced to life in sobriety without the possibility of parole, also during Covid…JACKPOT!  Next thing I was most worried about was how I would ever be happy again.  Not like happy in the way that you are during the day or in your general mood, for instance, I feel like some people are "happy people".  You can feel it when you talk to them, and then you have people that are more quiet or keep to themselves, maybe you don't see that happiness right away because that's not their demeanor.  It's not good or bad, it's just how people come across and how others perceive them.  I am referring to that feeling of walking out of work on a Friday afternoon, jamming to Bill Wither's "Lovely Day", and headed to have an after work beverage, on a patio, with no worries or...

One of the most difficult and important things about life, I have recently learned, is you have to be able to forgive yourself, and like Jay Z said, you've gotta learn how to live with regrets... Let's talk about things that one might consider regretful or shameful.  I remember one Sunday, at the end of my drinking career, I didn't have any wine left, or airplane bottles in my freezer, cooking sherry, nothing!  Just kidding about the sherry, but I am sure someone, somewhere has tried it.  I was shaky, dizzy, anxious and was focused on only what would make me feel better; which was not open for another 3 hours.  The desperation led me to remember that my neighbors had told me if I ever needed anything to come on over, well I did.  I went over, in my pj's, not for sugar, but for alcohol, at like 9 in the morning, terrible!  I once went to the gas station to buy beer in the morning, not realizing what day it was, it was a Sunday, you can't buy beer until noon ...