Brawley's Beautiful Mess

I keep thinking about how I am sitting here right now and I am okay.  I keep thinking of how much my life has changed, yet also, stayed the same, in such a short amount of time.  After I was sentenced to life in sobriety without the possibility of parole, also during Covid…JACKPOT!  Next thing I was most worried about was how I would ever be happy again.  Not like happy in the way that you are during the day or in your general mood, for instance, I feel like some people are "happy people".  You can feel it when you talk to them, and then you have people that are more quiet or keep to themselves, maybe you don't see that happiness right away because that's not their demeanor.  It's not good or bad, it's just how people come across and how others perceive them.  I am referring to that feeling of walking out of work on a Friday afternoon, jamming to Bill Wither's "Lovely Day", and headed to have an after work beverage, on a patio, with no worries or...

One of the most difficult and important things about life, I have recently learned, is you have to be able to forgive yourself, and like Jay Z said, you've gotta learn how to live with regrets... Let's talk about things that one might consider regretful or shameful.  I remember one Sunday, at the end of my drinking career, I didn't have any wine left, or airplane bottles in my freezer, cooking sherry, nothing!  Just kidding about the sherry, but I am sure someone, somewhere has tried it.  I was shaky, dizzy, anxious and was focused on only what would make me feel better; which was not open for another 3 hours.  The desperation led me to remember that my neighbors had told me if I ever needed anything to come on over, well I did.  I went over, in my pj's, not for sugar, but for alcohol, at like 9 in the morning, terrible!  I once went to the gas station to buy beer in the morning, not realizing what day it was, it was a Sunday, you can't buy beer until noon ...

This past week I have been going back and forth on how to approach this subject, but we're just gonna go for it.....and if you're still reading or a first time reader, welcome and thanks for the support always! I met my ex-husband at a Halloween party, dressed as a Bears Superfan from Chris Farley's time on SNL, he was Where's Waldo, lol, it was a great first impression and we hit it off!  We ended up dating and getting married when I was 27, he 26.  We got married after about a 3-4 month engagement, bought a house, got a basset hound named Wallace, whom I hope is still kickin' it, and started our Marriage Journey.  When we were first married it was good, we had a lot of fun together, we worked hard, and we normally didn't drink much, if at all, during the week.  Sometimes on Thursday's but hey, that's Friday Eve!  Not too long after we got married I started a new job at a 3rd party logistics company, I loved that job.  This is also where I met Jay, he h...

I have always admired Tom Petty, big shout out to the rents on that one, and basically all my favorite artists, but I love Tom.  I love how he always put on a great show, I love how much he genuinely appreciated music and I love his lyrics, I could always relate to to them it seemed like.  My favorite Tom lyrics are "most things I worry about never happen anyway" which being the anxious, sometimes impatient and over-thinker that I am; I would worry about the littlest things to things I absolutely could not and cannot control.  So I decided that I would get that tattoo and every time I found myself worrying I would look down and read it, most of the time it worked and was right, until it wasn't.... I remember it like it was yesterday, it was probably early March of 2021, I can't remember the exact date because turns out, when I drank too much, I couldn't remember what week it was, shocker!  Anyway, I had also just split from my boyfriend right as we were going to a...

Sunday's were always one of my favorite days of the week because it was perfectly acceptable to have Bottomless Mimosas or Bloody Mary's on a Sunny patio, stylin with those favorite pair of shades, at 10 am without any judgement. Where it gets tricky is once you start this routine, it's hard to stop, soon, you're planning your weekend brunch drink menu along with whether you should make blueberry pancakes or breakfast burritos.  But, always with a side of fruit because hey, we care about our health.  Now this almost never ended after brunch, as we all know, because once you have one, the second is easier to order and after 4 you just quit paying attention; coming to terms with the fact that tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day to get through! Today is different, it's Sunday, football is on, playoff football, so tomorrow would have almost been a guaranteed vacation day because I hated working on Mondays.  I hated being hungover, period.  But at work it's alm...

Happy Rock Chalkin Saturday! It's been almost a year since my Friday nights were filled with wine, my Saturday morning hangover routines and of course Sunday Funday's.   I just turned 38 on the 27th, I have spent almost every Birthday in my 30's at my favorite local dive, Harry's.  Someone once told me it was like I lived in "Cheer's" because let's be honest, if you've experienced being a regular, anywhere, "everybody knows your name" when you walk in. This year was different, instead of taking Friday off to consume a hearty liquid breakfast to get through my box wine hangover, I got up, and went to work!  Now I never said I didn't go to Harry's, I did, but I ordered a VP no vodka; which is just soda water and sprite with a lemon wedge, very refreshing, highly recommend it!  If you prefer lime, hey, we all like what we like!  Now 6 months ago I would not have dreamed of being able to walk into Harry's, sit at the bar, and poli...